SOrry...

Been real hard keeping up with everything in life right now...haven't gotten around to writing as much as I would have liked to. Here's a few quick hits:

Crushing losses for the Tribe these past three, and against some very weak teams...not getting the clutch hit and lousy fundamentals will kill you.

On the other hand, huge win for our soccer team today. 3-2, with goals by Anup, Gabe, and Phil. Solid defense, led by Timm. I've made marked improvement over the course of the year, but just to the point where I'm dangerous...to myself. :-( Eh, but I'm having found.

School is a ton of reading...it's a lot of my time. Gotta keep working at it.

That's about it.

Peace,
Dave

23!

Yesterday was my 23rd birthday. We partied Thursday night and then hosted a party last night, that was a good time for all. I was dominating on the Pong tables. KJ came up from Columbus for the weekend and made it up to the party, so that was really cool. When things got wrapped up and everybody left, me, Dorr, Anup, and KJ sat on the porch and BSed for a while. 'Twas like old times. I'm lucky to have really excellent friends.

A lot has happened in the last week. Law school is an experience. There's just a lot of material and it's a lot of new thought. I'm really hoping I survive and excel, but its really hard to know anything after the first week. I feel like other people are catching stuff faster, but, at the same time, I also feel like there's several times a day where I get to the professor's point before he does. So that's pretty cool.

I'm looking for love in all the wrong places. That seems to be the general consensus. I'm not going to meet girls at bars or at parties, not really. And, for whatever reasons, I don't think I'm going to meet girls at school, mostly because I am really business-like that way, that is to say, I consider the risks of reputation loss, face loss, and the very public nature of asking out someone from "work" to be very high. And I'm a very conservative judge of risk. I've always been really bad this way. Plus, combine my general shyness and lack of self-confidence and you get trouble. I don't know what we're going to do from here, but it will need to be somewhat drastic.
Big, big win for US Soccer today, 2-0 over Mexico to qualify for the World Cup. Anup and I watched it over pizza and it was a good time. The Tribe failed to match with a 9th Inning implosion, which countered some of the ground they made up this week, leaving them a game behind NY and Oakland in the Wild Card race. We need to get over the hump and take over the lead alone. If that happens, I think we win the race. It'd be nice if someone would give us some help and knock these other teams around a bit. Oh well.

I really have no reaction to this whole New Orleans debacle. I can't even fathom it. We're talking about an entire city where 400,000 people lived, completely abandoned and destroyed, not to mention all the damage in Mississippi and the rest of Louisiana. This is a big, big deal, and I just can't imagine it. The government has done its usual job and completely failed. A lot of commentators blame Bush and the administration for its failure to plan, as well as Congress for pork-barrelling projects left and right, while ignoring big things like levee maintenance, or the Iraq War, for funnelling money and priorities to the "wrong" place. I think the last point is completely off-base, and more importantly, I think it would be awfully dangerous to pull out of Iraq right now. But, the other points are valid, although I am skeptical to some extent that any particular change, whether a Kerry administration or a Democratic Congress, would really be all that different. I'm of the opinion that politicians matter on a grand scale, as far as making broad policy goals, but I really think that 90% of what the government does is decided at a low level with very little effect by the administration. I also think that the Bush administration has screwed up every choice in this tragedy, but I don't know that there's a whole lot that they could change. We'd still have a huge refugee problem, for example. Nevertheless, I think we're in for a very rough 3 years, the President has lost his entire authority and that's never good for a country. In a parliamentary system, there would be a vote of no confidence and an election within the year, I think, but that's obviously not the case here. I just hope somebody there can figure this out.

That's all for now
Peace

Day One

School started today, formally. It seems as if it will work out OK. I have a positive first impression of my professors, and the reading is marginally interesting. Maybe, a first impression is rose-colored, but I'll take it over the alternative. The other factor of course is that I managed to get in a good run/lift today, so that was nice.

I struggle with two things in life. Self-confidence/self-image and overt pessimism related towards my social life/status. These things are both interlinked and only can really be solved by me. I would like to go into the depths of my own demons, the way Timm does, but I really can't enunciate things the way that he does. At least not in an honest enough manner at this point. Eh.

I haven't felt inspired to write lately. I don't know if its because I have more social interaction and thus talk more, write less, or what exactly? Eh.

Peace

Laziness

I've been really lazy posting as of late. I've been pretty tired during the week, but that's no excuse for the weekend. I'm also intellectually overwhelmed a bit at the moment, so there haven't been any great inspirations. The law is fascinating, and I'm certain that the work of law school will be most interesting. I've also met a pretty good group of people. Hopefully, things will develop positively and I'll continue to work through my general shyness and insecurity. I''ve often wondered about how to improve that manner, but I don't really have the answers. Eh.

Good weekend for the Tribe. Won the series against a dangerous Toronto team. Even though, they lost a game to NY over the weekend, I'm not ready to panic yet. They've played exceptionally well, and NY is on a tear too. If you go out and win some games, you'll get it done. I've said it before though, I'm worried about the workload on Bobby Howry. I suppose he's a vet and knows what he's doing, but I think you could with Cabrera, Riske or Betancourt in a lot of those situations, especially on a day like today where you have a 3-run lead going into the bottom of the 8th. I don't have a problem with going to Howry in the 7th. It was a pressure situation and he's your best guy, but don't send him out for the 8th. They need to get Rhodes back too, he's a big help at the back end, and would spare Howry some. Need another good week though, really can't afford a slipup.

That's All for now, school starts tommorow.

Peace

Exhaustion

Law School has been very interesting insofar, but I'm tired as hell. So, forgive me for the somewhat sparse posting regime.

I've been doing some further thought about political philosophies, and why I feel disenchanted with the grand American system. The big problem is that there is no space for "small c" conservatism as an idea at this time. The battle is between "Progressives" (the people formerly known as liberals), who take a liberal to radical line as far as policy choice, advocating major significant changes in the social and economic fabrics of American life, and "Conservatives" (who are really reactionaries) who advocate a revocation of policies, and a return to the America of 50 years ago. Both sides may be right about some issues, but the point is that both are "radicals", advocating significant change in the world of today. People of my ilk believe that there is time for change, but that change should be measured and considered, weighed over time as to the costs and benefits. This is also the driving factor behind the change in my political philosophies over the last few years. Most specifically, I buy into far more of the "Democratic" philosophies than the "Republican" philosophies, especially on social issues (although this is more of my libertarian streak), but I find their advocacy, the speed by which they want to bring about these changes to be far too fast, that many of these issues are deep and far-reaching and the changes should be measured. By and large, there's a lot that's going OK, and changes should be evaluated deeply.

The Indians lost yesterday, badly, but that will happen. It's very important to win tonight, and to win at least 2 in Toronto, which is perfectly doable. They need to win series from here on out. At 70-57, they have 35 games to play. 5 out of 7 from here out gives them 95 wins, which I think is more than plenty. 4 out of 7 gives them 90, which might not be enough. 2 out of every 3 gives them 92-94, which is probably right where they need to be. So we'll see how it goes. It'll be very interesting next year, they have a lot of personell going into free agency and have some holes they'll need to fill. I think they'd like to add a RF or a 1B, maybe both. They'll need to fill 2 spots in the rotation and a couple spots in the bullpen. I think Belliard is a Free Agent, so they might need a 2B.
Free Agents include Millwood, Elarton, Wickman, Howry, and Sauerbeck.
I think Sauerbeck will likely be back and either Wickman or Howry. Fernando Cabrera will stick in the bullpen, and we might see Andrew Brown or one of the other young guys back in the pen. Either Wick or Howry will close. I'd love to see them bring back Millwood, but I jsut don't know that it gets done. I think Jason Davis or another one of the AAA starters gets promoted. The other spot might be a mid-priced vet, or maybe Elarton. I'd love to see them add a lead-off hitter who can play RF or 2B, then move Sizemore down to the middle of the order, where he can get a lot of RBI opportunities.

That's about the best we can do tonight.

Peace

Like Kissing Your Sister...

School has started and I've had to be up in the seven range, so i've beeen going to bed early and not had much opportunity to blog. Same deal tonight, so this will be short.

I'm looking forward to the coming year. I think theres lots of good opportunities for me here. And I think there will be much self-growth.

I'm very excited about the way the Tribe is playing lately. It'll be a fun September.

We tied our soccer game at 1 today. It's a bummer. I wish I was a better player and that I didnt have unrealistice expectations.

I wish I could do something to help out some of the people that I really care about who are struggling with a lot of things right now. I am, too.

I wish I could write more and not go to bed now, but I guess that's not going to happen. Hopefully, I'll have a nice post tommorow.

PEace

Sunday Sunday

Have some reading to do still, so I'll keep this short. Also, watching the great "Ballman" episode of Seinfeld.

The Indians complete the sweep against Baltimore. Way to come through after last week's embaressment. Have to go to Tampa and perform better against the D-Rays then they did last weekend. The hitting has really come around and the pitching has held up. The stretch run will be interesting. With a win tommorow they move into a tie for the wild card lead with Oakland and New York (if the Yankees win). Hafner may be back into the groove he had before he got hit by Buehrle. The B's are starting to hit which is a big help at the bottom of the lineup. They need to get some off days for the top three guys here though, they'll need a couple down the stretch. Young guys tend to run out of gas at the end of the season and we have to avoid that. They also have an interesting offseason coming up.

Timm wants to know if a good, decent man can make a noticable positive impact in the world. The answer is: of course. Many people do. There is, of course, the ideal that teachers, policemen, etc. do it as a matter of course. But I don't think that's quite what we're going for. The argument goes deeper and back onto the previous point: is good ethical behavior rewarded? Yes. If life runs as a long-run game, dirty tricks are punished, not rewarded. The instant news world of today tends to cast people in negative lights, but lots of good, solid, moral individuals are successful in the world, you just don't hear about it. The greater problem is that the dark elements of human nature are what sells. This isn't a particularly sound argument, because it's a difficult point to argue: 98% belief, 2% reason.

Dark thoughts are on my mind. Deep worries within.

Peace

Good Days

Woke up at 8 hungover today. Rolled over and went back to bed for another 4 hours. Was marginally productive with my afternoon, made some purchases, fixed the computer with the help of Timm. Had dinner with my parents and worked with the computer some more. Productive.

Tommorow I move into the apartment for good, with school starting Monday. Thoughts on that are mixed, will be addressed tommorow as today isn't really a writing day. Same on Timm's challenge, to address how one can be a positive force for change in the world.

Three straight Ws for the Tribe. Minnesota's coming up on their heels again, but they're also gaining ground on a slumping Chicago. The only certainty is that it will be a fun stretch run. I am also overjoyed that it appears the Jeff Liefer/Jason DuBois experiment has ended. Blake & Broussard are significantly better players than the aforementioned at this stage of their careers and much more productive. I still wouldn't mind a look at Ryan Garko, but it's not going to happen til September, so it's irrelevent.

That's it for the moment
Peace

Further Thoughts

To read yesterday's post, one would probably think that I am a total asshole. And maybe I am. But the point of yesterday's post was to underline two key things.
First, as I've mentioned earlier, intelligence is, by and large, the most undervalued asset in the world. In most social situations, physical appearance, ease, and the like are comparatively overvalued and thus lead to higher quality lifestyles. The business world is where the intelligence and other intangible factors can earn their reward and move ahead in the long run.
Second, I think that winning is important because it gives us a goal. I've already said that I think winning can be self-defined...if one is perfectly happy living a life with little money and lots of leisure, then go for it. But, I think one has to put a lot of effort into winning, and you have to win to be fulfilled in life. It's cold, but it's probably true.
Timm, in his blog, offers a solid counterargument. I think we agree to some extent on the weaknesses of capitalism and rewarding end results rather than effort, but I still believe that capitalism is the most efficient system for rewarding success, and I also believe that, in the long-run, effort and ethics are rewarded. Life is an infinite series of games, rather than one big one....so all you game theorists can have fun with what that implies. I also would like to put on the record that the solution to poverty is porbably more capitalism, and not less.

Big discussion about the Tribe tommorow. Yesterday I went to the game and it was just horrible, total buzzkill. Today was a nice bounceback W though.

Interested in hearing what the rest of you think on the topic of yesterday and today. Leave some comments.

Winning Isn't Everything...

...Or Is It?

My current read is How Soccer Explains the World by Franklin Foer. In Chapter 7, discussing Italian soccer, he makes a tertiary comment (yes, again, Timm) wherein he quotes Inter Milan fans who praise the superiority of their team's "anti-Bush, anti-Berlusconi, anti-American" worldview, where "there are some things more important than winning."

Is this the case? Are there more important things than winning? I don't know that there are. Of course, that is a qualified statement, namely that winning can be stated differently in a lot of different situations: winning in business may not be making the most money, etc. Nevertheless, I find it very difficult to buy into the belief that a loss with honor is better than a victory with dishonor. Winning and losing here does not refer to the short-term, as, in many ways and fields a dishonorable win can hurt you long-term. It is my opinion that the honorable, ethical way leads to long-term victory, but that's another digression.

Why would I believe in such a cutthroat belief, even backed by what you might call a "soft" undertone? It's because I am an unabashed capitalist. Quite frankly, the capitalist system rewards people who work smart and work hard. It is very brutal in its assignment of winners and losers, but it is ultimately the best system to adequately define the relative merit of each individual's contribution to the whole. And the only way for capitalism to work is to reward the winners and punish the losers.

So there's the macroscopic ethos. On the personal level then, it is thus the responsibility of us as individuals to pursue winning. It is the responsibility of the government to keep the losers in the capitalist race from suffering too badly, but this must be done without deterring the winners from making society better. Those are the two things that social anarchists have never been able to appropriately answer (usually they slide around the question). Society does not advance, morally, ethically, technologically, economically, or in any other legitimate form of human measure by actively punishing the winners for winning and rewarding the losers for losing. It's the old point that communism equalizes society by bringing the top down, not the bottom up. I believe that capitalism is the best system for bringing the bottom up, but I don't have the time tonight to explore that in the depth it requires. You have to reward those who improve/provide a useful good to society, even stupid, mundane things that we consider bland, like insurance ;-) The second point is that people aren't altruistic, by and large. This ties into the above point. If all people wanted was for the society to get better, then we wouldn't need to reward achievers. But this is obviously not the case. Again, capitalism is the best way to do this. The market is brutally effective, both at rewarding risk-takers and innovators, and at valuing the relative contributrion of each task to society.

If you've ever won anything, you know the feeling of elation that it gives you. That, most of all is why we must strive for victory, because it makes us feel good about ourselves. So, as Vince Lombardi says, Winning Really Is the Only Thing.

Peace

Working Hard

Worked for Dad again today, went down to the Steelyard Commons site to do some field measures. I'm looking forward to see how it turns out, I think it will be pretty damn cool. We also moved Rakesh's massive TV to the apartment. That was an adventure. As a result, I'm tired as hell.

Let's see, what else. Nice win for the Tribe. Big screwup by the umps, but it didn't come back to hurt them, as they punished The Gambler in the 7th. They need to keep hitting. If they hit down the stretch, they can get into the playoffs. If they don't, they'll stay close, because they have the pitching, but will ultimately wind up short. It's that simple. But, with solid pitching and a solid bullpen, they have the chance to win every game if they hit. So we'll see. Need to win 4 more to have a winning homestand. I'm going to the game tommorow, so that'll be good.

Peace

Finding The Middle Ground

It is very difficult for me to find the appropriate balance between selfishness and selflessness. I often find myself at one end or the other. Discounting when I'm drunk, and thus have enough problems already to be worried about the self-interest in my behavior (I'm largely a self-interested drunk...thoughts on my drunken behavior will be a recurring theme, but are tertiary to today's discussion). Nevertheless, I have often been told that a big reason for most of my failures in life is a lack of self-confidence and the requisite selfishness that entails. The problem with that is that I can't crank up the selfishness without offending someone I care about, thus leading to them being miserable and thus me being miserable also. So, we have the cycle...in order to be happier, I need to be more selfish...but in being more selfish, I fail to be happy. I attribute this to three things.

1. I obviously haven't found a good balance point yet...my self-interest scale has very few settings between on and off.

2. Because my general setting favors selflessness, I create relationships whereby I create a pattern of putting myself last. Thus, even a minor change in my personal setting can have a major effect on the relationship. There a couple of those that jump to mind.

3. I have created in myself a far too great concern about the well-being of others. Putting my foot down on smaller issues now may help in the future, which is usually the opposite of my usual tack, which is to brush off small things.

A deep and troubling question, and one I don't know the answer to.

Interestingly, when I'm drunk, I am more talkative and generally more pleasant, but I also can be an annoying idiot. Have to work on that balance too.

Oh well...I'm exhausted and that was a lot of self-evaluation for a short post.

Peace